Currently Browsing: traditions
Feb 11, 2010
Posted on Feb 11, 2010 in traditions | 3 comments
Hey lovelies! So sorry to disappear like that- I had a few scares this past weekend! First C decided we were gonna watch the Super Bowl!! Waaa? Excuse my blatant sexism here, but isn’t this why I’m marrying a girl? Of course I’m kidding, well kinda, I mean, we’ll just leave it at “Go Saints!” Our second scare of the weekend came when the notorious r.i.n.g. (eater) Oscar ingested something toxic and had a series of seizures forcing us to spend Sunday night in the doggy ER. The drive to the ER was seriously terrifying- C did great with the precision driving, and I held/comforted our near unconscious and twitchy pup. Tears were shed, dollars were spent, and many sleepless hours later we were able to spring him from the ER tail a-waggin’! A very happy ending indeed.
And now thanks to the dog-who-lived we can get back to our regularly scheduled programming and talk about the super rad new-school traditions we wanna rock on our wedding day!
Here goes:
We wanna Jump the Broom. This is awesome for a few reasons. A little history- Jumping the broom originated in Africa and later served as a public declaration for African Americans when NO form of marriage was available to them (i.e. during slavery) It symbolized settling into a “marriage type arrangement.” Doesn’t the thought of having to settle into “an arrangement” make you feel a little queasy? Me too! Anyway, it was always done with witnesses AND whoever jumped the highest was the decision maker of the household. So let’s review. We’re publicly announcing our desire to settle into a “marriage type arrangement” (blech) sans a little piece of paper and about 1400 rights. We’re gonna have witnesses. We’re fiercely competitive and welcome a little egalitarian way to decide just WHO’S IN CHARGE around here. Oh yeah. We’re definitely jumping the broom.
We wanna write our own vows. Although I was almost convinced by posts here & here about the virtues of going with traditional vows, and while I’m sure to be a blubbery mess and C is admittedly shy, we still wanna torture ourselves and write super-personal, sure-to-mess-up-your-make-up, heart wrenchingly personal vows. I would love to include this excerpt from C’s favorite book:
For her I changed pebbles into diamonds, shoes into mirrors, I changed glass into water, I gave her wings and pulled birds from her ears and in her pockets she found the feathers, I asked a pear to become a pineapple, a pineapple to become a lightbulb, a lightbulb to become the moon, and the moon to become a coin I flipped for her love, both sides were heads; I knew I couldn’t lose.
Nicole Krauss, “The History of Love”
I think it’s magic and I love that it captures both the vast possibilities and utter certainty of love in just a few sentences . Not really sure if peeps ever include quotes in their vows, as I haven’t been to that many weddings, but I’d be hard-pressed to say it better myself. Has anyone else included a quote in their vows or should this be more of a reading thing?
b/c…
We want our friends to do readings from our favorite books.
I like you, by Sandol Stoddard, might just be one of them. I don’t remember when I first discovered it, but I gave it to C as a gift a while back, just because. Just because it’s a lovely little book and so perfectly captures everything beautiful and wonderful and totally deliciously odd about relationships. You must GO read Miss Scissors’ post if you aren’t familiar with the book if only to ogle all the insanely cute pics! Not sure what other books will make the cut, but we LOVE the idea of including as many people as possible in the wedding fun and since we can’t just have one GIANT wedding party, we’ll have readers. And various other wedding elves, I think. Yes, elves are a must. 
We want our friends & family to bless our rings.
Yup- we want to risk our rings forever falling to a grassy home, being eaten by a toddler, or dropped in a cocktail just so that our family and friends can get their grubby paws all over ‘em and endow them with good wedding juju.
We want to drink sake have a San-san-Kudo Ceremony.
What can I say- we like to drink together! Seriously though- the SSK is a formal/ritualized drinking of sake by both partners AND their respective families to bond them in marriage. The literal translation is three-three-nine-times which is a whole bunch of auspicious numbers that dictate how many times you drink the sake- and since we’re freaks about auspicious numbers here in Awesomeland, we love this ritual even more! AND I LOVE the symbolism of sharing a cup (of booze) with my future wife and family (whoever shows up or C chooses to stand in) and I think it’s only appropriate that we borrow this tradition from Japanese culture as I have a whole Japanese family who mean the world to me and have played a big role in my life! Enter our bridesmaid Nami who was my exchange student when I was eleven. We’ve kept in touch ever since. And by “kept in touch” I don’t mean we write letters- I mean we traverse the globe to hang out in various cities and have spent time living in each others homes. She’s awesome and I’m so happy to have her stand with me as a bridesmaid ! I can’t wait to share the day with her and her family and I love this little nod to their culture/tradition. So yeah. I think it’s legit. Just check out the proof:
* I’m about 20 here and my J fam played dress up with me at the local kimono parlour, had professional pics taken, and then paraded me through town to their local shrine! Love ‘em!
AND there you have just a few of the new-school traditions that we hope to incorporate. Whadda ya think? Too many or too much of a mish-mosh? Are you incorporating/creating new traditions for your wedding? Do tell.
Feb 2, 2010
Posted on Feb 2, 2010 in traditions | 8 comments
source
Because I’m a giant dork and because I LOVE the dictionary, I give you M Webs definition of tradition in it’s entirety:
Main Entry: tra·di·tion
Pronunciation: \trə-ˈdi-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English tradicioun, from Middle French & Latin; Middle French tradicion, from Latin tradition-, traditio action of handing over, tradition — more at treason
Date: 14th century
1 a : an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom) b : a belief or story or a body of beliefs or stories relating to the past that are commonly accepted as historical though not verifiable
2 : the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction
3 : cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions
4 : characteristic manner, method, or style <in the best liberal tradition>
— tra·di·tion·al \-ˈdish-nəl, -ˈdi-shə-nəl\ adjective
— tra·di·tion·al·ly adverb
— tra·di·tion·less \-ˈdi-shən-ləs\ adjective
Got that? Traditions are weighty things people. The definition above can pretty much be cited as the reason people get married, the reason we wanna get married, and the reason peeps DON’T want us to get married. Complicated no?
It also reaffirms for me how important it is for us to get married, legal or not. It’s time to introduce a new norm and reclaim “traditional marriage.” It makes me sick that it’s been hijacked and degraded by this whole “marriage is between a man and a woman” bullshit. Traditional marriage in that sense of the word? No thanks. Now if you’re talking about love, honor, & commitment- I’m totally onboard.
So it seems only appropriate that I give you our, ahem, tried and true traditions first. Here goes.
OLD SCHOOL TRADITIONS:
I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I love this tradition despite its archaic passing off your daughter like chattel origins. I love my dad tons and the last few years have been really rough on him. He’s basically been forced into an early retirement due to a lot of scary health problems that they’re still trying to get to the bottom of. I think that sometimes it takes something like this for us to grasp our parent’s mortality and I have to admit it scares the hell out of me! I’m hoping my dad can get healthy (er) this year and that our wedding is a little something for him to look forward too. He’s been a wonderful father and I want him to have the HONOR of walking me down the aisle because I think it will make him happy. And depending how things shape up with C’s family, he may have to walk us both down the aisle. Double Happiness.
I want to wear a white dress. I know girls dream of the fluffy white princess dress, but not this girl. At some point in my angsty teen phase I told my mom that IF I ever even got married I’d have a ruby engagement ring and a red dress. Even when we started planning our wedding I still thought I might have a colored dress, although I long abandoned the ruby/red dress idea. Anyway in my progression to full blown princess dress I’m still on the short white dress end of the spectrum but with a healthy leaning towards it could be longer if it was vintage couture.
We wanna cut the cake. And the rug. But that’s later. Anyway this one is super important to C b/c “it’s just what you do at every wedding.” And even though she’s promised not to smash cake in my face I still find this one a little suspect. I do agree that it happens at every wedding though- and I’m happy to give our guests a little of that continuity we were talking about in the above definitions. None of that “We went to a GAY wedding and (lowers voice) they didn’t even CUT the cake.” Nope. Not at our shindig. We deliver.
Okay on to cutting the rug, aka The First Dance. Yes, we (C) want everyone to stare at us as we awkwardly sway to a song of her choice. Yup- music is not my domain peeps. This one makes me the most uncomfortable- I don’t like people staring at me if I can’t blabber. I’m much better at blabber than I am at awkward swaying. That being said, there is a redemptive factor to this one and that’s busting out with an amazing choreographed number mid-sway. That I could get behind. So if you’re one of our darling wedding guests, forget you read this and damn it, act surprised should it happen!
In a perfect world of butterflies, unicorns and rainbows we would want a father/daughter dance. We don’t live in a perfect world though and as C’s family isn’t supportive of our relationship/wedding we’re not really sure that they’ll be available for dancing. Or at our wedding at all for that matter. Here’s where are all those above definitions of tradition painfully collide and the only one who gets hurt is my beautiful fiancee. And it sucks. I’m not sure what to do about it or how exactly to deal with this beyond obviously NOT having a father/daughter dance…
Not to end on a sad note, but maybe some of you have advice about how to deal with unsupportive family members?
Up next: NEW SCHOOL TRADITIONS.
Jan 17, 2010
Posted on Jan 17, 2010 in traditions | 6 comments
So that my lovelies is my dear friend Stephanie, who also happens to be our officiant. She’s a pretty awesome pregnant lady right?
Today I had the honor and privilege of attending the Seemanthum Ceremony for her (and her wonderful husband Suneel’s) future baby girl. Wait ‘til you get a load of the pics below- b/c that baby is gonna be one pretty little thing! Anyhow, back to the subject at hand- a seem-a-whatta??
A Seemantham Ceremony. According to my invitation:
In Sanskrit, Seemantham means the hair parting just above the eyebrow. Sri Lakshmi, the embodiment of Prosperity resides there. When a woman delivers a child, she manifests Lakshmi. In this ceremony we seek blessings for the safe delivery of the child and the good health of the mother and child.
So it’s a baby blessing folks. A baby blessing with fire, chanting, and a special paste made by the priest and then shoved up Steph’s right nostril. Seriously- I have pictures! (But don’t worry Steph- after posting that first one, you’re off the hook for a while!)
At the same time we were participating in the Seemantham on the temple steps, there was some sort of children’s festival happening inside and so children in brightly colored indian clothing carrying kites and other toys were everywhere. The air was permeated with a cacophony of little voices, shrieks and laughter, which seemed to me the perfect accompaniment to a ritual seeking blessings for future munchkins.
The whole experience got me thinking about the importance of culture & tradition in our lives and the comfort, joy, and community it can foster. Then again, “tradition” is often used to justify such abhorrent practices as slavery, to keep women in the kitchen, and to deny this little Stripe her right to legally wed. Ain’t all sunshine and unicorns people.
I haven’t really given much thought to tradition in the past and the wedding we’re planning is pretty untraditional by any count- two-girls, two-dresses, a historical museum, a taco truck, and a bar crawl. The fact that our wedding is adding up to be non-traditional isn’t really intentional though- it just happens that our taste doesn’t really fall into the parameters of “typical wedding tradition” AND we don’t have any really strong family traditions to follow. The our-lack-of-traditional-taste coupled with no-family-traditions-or-expectations may seem like a dream come true, especially for those of you with overbearing mothers (or mother in laws), but I’m not so sure anymore.
A part of me wishes that we had a few tried and true traditions- ones that we found personally meaningful, to incorporate into our day. Traditions to strengthen community among our family and friends and that we can pass along to our own children.
What about you? Are you overwhelmed by the amount of tradition you’re expected to incorporate into your day, or are you like us, desperately trying to find a few wedding traditions that resonate with you, while forging ahead and creating your own unique traditions?
