Traditional Traditions.
Because I’m a giant dork and because I LOVE the dictionary, I give you M Webs definition of tradition in it’s entirety:
Main Entry: tra·di·tion
Pronunciation: \trə-ˈdi-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English tradicioun, from Middle French & Latin; Middle French tradicion, from Latin tradition-, traditio action of handing over, tradition — more at treason
Date: 14th century
1 a : an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom) b : a belief or story or a body of beliefs or stories relating to the past that are commonly accepted as historical though not verifiable
2 : the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction
3 : cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions
4 : characteristic manner, method, or style <in the best liberal tradition>
— tra·di·tion·al \-ˈdish-nəl, -ˈdi-shə-nəl\ adjective
— tra·di·tion·al·ly adverb
— tra·di·tion·less \-ˈdi-shən-ləs\ adjective
Got that? Traditions are weighty things people. The definition above can pretty much be cited as the reason people get married, the reason we wanna get married, and the reason peeps DON’T want us to get married. Complicated no?
It also reaffirms for me how important it is for us to get married, legal or not. It’s time to introduce a new norm and reclaim “traditional marriage.” It makes me sick that it’s been hijacked and degraded by this whole “marriage is between a man and a woman” bullshit. Traditional marriage in that sense of the word? No thanks. Now if you’re talking about love, honor, & commitment- I’m totally onboard.
So it seems only appropriate that I give you our, ahem, tried and true traditions first. Here goes.
OLD SCHOOL TRADITIONS:
I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I love this tradition despite its archaic passing off your daughter like chattel origins. I love my dad tons and the last few years have been really rough on him. He’s basically been forced into an early retirement due to a lot of scary health problems that they’re still trying to get to the bottom of. I think that sometimes it takes something like this for us to grasp our parent’s mortality and I have to admit it scares the hell out of me! I’m hoping my dad can get healthy (er) this year and that our wedding is a little something for him to look forward too. He’s been a wonderful father and I want him to have the HONOR of walking me down the aisle because I think it will make him happy. And depending how things shape up with C’s family, he may have to walk us both down the aisle. Double Happiness. 
I want to wear a white dress. I know girls dream of the fluffy white princess dress, but not this girl. At some point in my angsty teen phase I told my mom that IF I ever even got married I’d have a ruby engagement ring and a red dress. Even when we started planning our wedding I still thought I might have a colored dress, although I long abandoned the ruby/red dress idea. Anyway in my progression to full blown princess dress I’m still on the short white dress end of the spectrum but with a healthy leaning towards it could be longer if it was vintage couture.
We wanna cut the cake. And the rug. But that’s later. Anyway this one is super important to C b/c “it’s just what you do at every wedding.” And even though she’s promised not to smash cake in my face I still find this one a little suspect. I do agree that it happens at every wedding though- and I’m happy to give our guests a little of that continuity we were talking about in the above definitions. None of that “We went to a GAY wedding and (lowers voice) they didn’t even CUT the cake.” Nope. Not at our shindig. We deliver.
Okay on to cutting the rug, aka The First Dance. Yes, we (C) want everyone to stare at us as we awkwardly sway to a song of her choice. Yup- music is not my domain peeps. This one makes me the most uncomfortable- I don’t like people staring at me if I can’t blabber. I’m much better at blabber than I am at awkward swaying. That being said, there is a redemptive factor to this one and that’s busting out with an amazing choreographed number mid-sway. That I could get behind. So if you’re one of our darling wedding guests, forget you read this and damn it, act surprised should it happen!
In a perfect world of butterflies, unicorns and rainbows we would want a father/daughter dance. We don’t live in a perfect world though and as C’s family isn’t supportive of our relationship/wedding we’re not really sure that they’ll be available for dancing. Or at our wedding at all for that matter. Here’s where are all those above definitions of tradition painfully collide and the only one who gets hurt is my beautiful fiancee. And it sucks. I’m not sure what to do about it or how exactly to deal with this beyond obviously NOT having a father/daughter dance…
Not to end on a sad note, but maybe some of you have advice about how to deal with unsupportive family members?
Up next: NEW SCHOOL TRADITIONS.
Yay for knowing what you want!
yay, i missed your posts! we are talking about cutting/serving the cake. all the cake. to the guests. i saw a couple do this on APW (i think) and we thought it would be cool. plus then it gives me an excuse to buy another vintage apron.
is there a way to follow just your WB posts? i tried to add to my google reader and it added ALL the WB posts, which is way too much!
Yay! Happy to be back! Now that I’m up to speed over at WB, and settled into an awesome new job I’ll be posting here regularly again!
And I LOVE the idea of serving all your guests cake (in a cute apron to boot!) So right on with the whole love/appreciation/community thing we wanna foster at our wedding!
And finally- I’m a total google reader novice, so I’ll look into how you load one bloggers posts over there!
Yay!
Kudos to you for keeping the traditions you like and ditching the ones you don’t.
I think the only real way for dealing with unsupportive family members in a case like yours is to try once or twice to tell them how much it would mean for them to be and/or participate in your wedding. Other than that, I’m not sure there is much you can do other than support each other through it. Because, trust me, I’ve tried for months to get everyone on board with the non-traditional aspects of our wedding and it just ain’t happenin’. People will ultimately do as they want to do and the best we can do is to accept that.
Could C pick a close family member who is supportive and dance with him/her? Or could C dance with your mom? Or you could just pick a song like “My Girl” or something and dedicate it to your dad and dance with him, but have everybody come out on the dance floor, and make sure there is somebody who has C’s back, like one of your maids, to make sure she doesn’t feel down during the song. You can’t force people to act a certain way, so I would say if they won’t come, you spend the day recognizing and honoring and celebrating the people who do love you and who do support you.
I love seeing how we each reclaim and reframe traditions. I always thought I’d be stridently anti-being walked down the aisle, even if Jewish tradition includes the father and the mother in the “giving away.” But the older I get the more I want to honor my parents (and savor the time we have left.)
As for the father-daughter dance (I’m so sorry about C’s family’s response, by the way) I like Ellie’s suggestion a lot. Alternatively, what about a more subtle dance – one where you tell your Dad you chose the song for him, and you’ll stop everything you’re doing to find him and dance, but that you don’t make it a public “thing.” And you make sure to ask friends ahead of time to join you on the dance floor. You can honor your Dad without calling attention to the lack-of-honor from C’s family.
This is the way to do it make the traditions your own. I don’t know the entire back story with C’s family but I like Ellie’s idea find the people who are supportive of you and surround yourself with them.
I also don’t know your dynamic but if it were me I would tell my family that this is my life, I am in love this person and I am going to be with them for the rest of our days. Because of this you can support us or ignore us but we want you there and we want you to be part of our lives.
Weddings have a way of bringing people together and pulling people apart. I hope yours will be unifying in the end. Good luck.
Aw, I’m so sorry to hear about C’s family. I wish I had some kind of suggestion, but I got nothin.
I love that you’re both wearing dresses, too. And they’re REALLY cute, to boot!