Jul 14, 2010
Posted on Jul 14, 2010 in fashion | 3 comments
So I think it’s time we revisit this whole bridesmaid situation. Clothing that is. Remember ohsolongago I debated between light, bright, or black & white? That feels like freakin’ forever ago. Yowza.
Anyhoo, in case you forgot (i almost did!) bright was the winner, and we decided that our ladies would wear a combo of plain/patterned dresses and suits in bright colors with a vintage feel. I ain’t gonna lie or pretend- we did NOT say they could wear anything they wanted. We didn’t give them our blessing and send ‘em out carte blanche into the world. Nope. We like to torture ourselves. So we went shopping.
Yes. One Saturday a few weeks ago we all piled into Lil’ Stripes Volvo and headed to the mall. I think I should tell you guys now, that while I shop for a living, (and truly enjoy it) going to the mall with my girlfriends is NOT a part of my reality. Sure it looks lovely on SATC, but we usually skip the shopping and head straight for the drinks if ya know what I mean.
So we’re at the mall for about 36 seconds before I realize that:
- I hate almost everything in the stores right now. Remember- I pretty much live in the mall.
- Not all bridesmaids appreciate this whole youallweardifferentdresses trend. It’s confusing. But whaaat color? Vintage/French/Modern/Carnival? What does that meeeeean?
- Shopping with each girl individually would have been a better idea.
- Um. We’re really at the mall now. Oh shit.
We needed drinks. And stat.
After eating in a generic butohsodisgustingly delicious restaurant we put our heads down and got to work. We sorted through the ugly, the shiny, and the fantastically expensive (and ugly) and eventually we actually ended up with a few dresses.
Clockwise from top left: Luckily Bridesmaid J shares my love for irony. Isn’t that the most fantastically ginormous bow you’ve ever seen? J is preggo (yay! congrats!) and that little avocado will probably be a pineapple come September, so we didn’t buy the dress. Not to worry- we’re having it made in a magenta raw silk a little closer to the wedding. Bridesmaid Sister L (all the way in Hawaii) still has to decide between these Modcloth dresses. Hear that L? On the off chance you’re reading: Make up your mind already! Lil’ Stripe picked this beauty out on her own (and somehow snuck a new color into our palette!) but doesn’t she just look gorgeous? And finally, all the way from Japan, Bridemaid N chose this fantastically flowered number (also Modcloth).
So yes. They’re fantastic. And our ladies are going to look stunning. And you couldn’t drag me and a herd of bridesmaids back into a mall EVER again no matter how much you paid me. And no matter how much I love our ‘maids. So it’s a good thing that this whole wedding business only happens once (knock on wood).
Not. Even. Kidding.
If you’re gonna go this route I highly recommend:
- Be less of a control freak than I am. Give the girls your blessing and send ‘em out into the world
- If you can’t (and oh how I understand your pain) and you still wanna shop, than do it one girl at a time. Individual attention and avoiding the toomanycooksinthekitchen phenomenom is key. Trust me- I’m handing out valuable trade secrets here.
- Modcloth. It’s vintagey, cheap, and easy. Post shopping trip, we browsed, emailed our remaining (naked) girls with pics of the dresses we liked, and told ‘em that if one struck their fancy to buy it and tell us which one they chose. Easy peasy awesome-sauce.
Dressing our eight ‘maids (Team Awesome?) is a trip. It’s the perfect storm of different styles, body types, personalities, and budgets. And we still have four more to go. *Deep breath. Next up, we tackle a couple more dresses, as well as vests/bowties/skinny jeans. Maybe. Jury’s still out on skinny jeans, but I’m loving the idea for a wedding!
Did you let your attendants pick their own attire? And did you have any ladies in pants? Oh! And be honest. Mixing it up-more or less stressful than sending ‘em over to Davids with a swatch of something shiny?
I
Jul 9, 2010
Posted on Jul 9, 2010 in fashion | 4 comments
All over our damn wedding checklist. Ha! Take that.
Oh. Hiya! Remember me? Yup. I used to have big deep thoughts about all this wedding planning jazz, but now as the date fast approaches, I just have glue gun burns, blistered fingers, sore wrists, and a quickly shrinking to do list. Hallelujah.
Yup. We’re up to our elbows in crafts and (mostly) loving it. We’re printing invites. My bouquet is nearly complete. Our coffee table is a crane factory. We have table cloths & runners & napkins in the works. Our wedding ensembles are nearly complete. Big sigh. Sitting here surround by all the crafty components of our wedding, I can finally see how it’s all gonna come together and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be awesome.
Now I don’t really want to ruin the fun and post teaser pics until all these projects are in the can, but I also don’t wanna be a meanie….
So I’ll leave you with these pictures of C’s superfantasticandmagical wedding shoes:
Rad right? Are you up to your ears in wedding projects too? What are you most excited to check off your list?
May 28, 2010
Posted on May 28, 2010 in fashion | 8 comments
So I’ve talked about how we’re both wearing dresses for our ceremony and I think I mentioned that C is changing into a suit for our reception, but did I mention that it’s the cutest suit ever??
No Seriously. The Cutest Suit Ever! For the cutest hottest fiancee!
See for yourself:
Wedding wardrobe decisions have sparked some interesting and unexpected conversations about gender identity, self perception, and beauty, both in our house and in my little wedding blogosphere.
I think it’s safe to say that we all want to find wedding attire that represents our very best authentic self. We want to look, and more importantly, feel beautiful on our wedding day. But I think that for a lot of queer women wedding attire can be a very complicated issue. Cue eye-rolls and a chorus of “duh ms. awesome.” You want to look and feel your absolute best, but your absolute best might not be a big ol’ cupcake wedding dress. Or even a simple modern wedding dress. It might be an awesome suit. Or a vest and tie. Or something else.
So in a wedding world where beauty most often equals a big white dress, some queer women must reconcile themselves with the fact that their more masculine gender expression and consequent choice of wedding attire may not be perceived as beautiful or bride like. And that’s bullshit. So to all you suit-lovin’ ladies (C too!) I just want to say thank you for helping us redefine and expand our notion of beauty. I LOVE the diverse gender/style expression of our community and would NEVER presume that a butch woman is any less a woman or trying to be a man- so I’m sorry (and a little horrified) if my two-dress lovefest came off that way to some of you. I DO think the most empowering thing you can do on your wedding day is to celebrate exactly who you are- whatever combo of dress/dress, dress/suit, suit/suit that happens to be!
And so despite my ardent love for our two-dress wedding, I think it’s icky that notions of beauty and gender identity are so totally tied up in wearing a dress. A woman in a suit is still a woman. And a woman in a suit is beautiful. And hot! (see above photos)
Oh! And i finally tried on a few big ol’ weddingy-wedding gowns and I felt absolutely stinkin’ ridiculous. And I do wear dresses sometimes. So I’m sticking with my short dress. And C is changing into her awesome suit. And that’s that.
Where do you fall on the wedding day gender expression spectrum? Did you have trouble finding wedding attire that “felt like you?” Or are you changing into something that feels more authentic for your reception?
May 13, 2010
Posted on May 13, 2010 in thoughts on marriage | 6 comments
In response to my post yesterday, the very thoughtful & thought provoking Mrs. Basement pointed out that there is an icky & disturbing pattern in the gay-blogging world where the constant reiteration and celebration of two-dress brides casts dress/suit, suit/suit and well every other bride combo in a negative light.
So are we unintentionally promoting an anti butch/femme vibe by both wearing dresses? Or by being excited/emphatic about it?
I wish I could claim originality on this one, but I’m just writing from our particular position and point of view. I too agree that the wide spectrum of gender identity/expression and style throughout the gay community is one to be celebrated. But the fact remains that we ARE wearing two dresses.
And you can bet that if wearing two dresses didn’t feel authentic/genuine to us this certainly would be a different post. A post about how RAD our fillingenderstyleawesomeappropriateensemblehere.
I think for me what feels icky about asserting a super feminine gender identity and wearing a dress or rather the conflation of the two (because for the record neither of us is exactly high-femme) is the idea that as a lesbian bride you HAVE to wear a dress to make sure people know we’re still a woman. That’s the underlying icky part.
It’s like dresses are pretty and feminine and good. And suits are masculine and weird and wait, “Do you wanna be a man?” Ick.
Both the insistence that there is a distinct butch/femme dichotomy in EVERY lesbian relationship AND the dismissal/negative stereotyping of butch women by the straight (and let’s be honest gay) community sucks.
I think that the tendency of two (more feminine perhaps) women to insist on wearing dresses and emphatically blog about it might stem from the fact that literally the first question most people ask me RE: The Wedding is “Which one of you is wearing a suit?” Over and over and over. It’s like the whole (straight) world only has Ellen’s recent wedding as a reference, and damn it, Ellen wore a suit!
And yet the fact remains that we are both still wearing dresses.
So I wonder how to make sure to celebrate the awesome gender identity/expression of our community and not fall pray to the negative stereotyping that I hate so much, when our choices kind of reinforce certain stereotypes. And bust up others.
It just depends where you’re standing right? And it’s complicated.
Oh! And for the record C is wearing a suit post ceremony. And she’s gonna look hot!!
May 12, 2010
Posted on May 12, 2010 in fashion, marriage equality | 2 comments
Once a long time ago I think I mentioned that we’re both wearing dresses for our ceremony. F Stripes however is convinced that you all think she’s wearing a suit so she wanted me to set the record straight (hee hee) and treat you to a sneak peak of our two-dress affair. I am still waffling on my dress but I do LOVE how we look together! Just try to ignore our pointy feet mkay?!
And here’s a few more of the beautiful F Stripes:
And a couple more of my dress too:
Yes, I’ve mentioned this before. But it really is that that good!
A great post by Raven over on So You’re Engayged really made me stop and think about the social/cultural/whatever-the-eff ramifications of both wearing dresses to our wedding. And I LOVE IT. I love that we’re both wearing dresses and here’s why- it’s secretly subversive. How’s that you say? Even more subversive than two-girls getting hitched in a state that voted against our right to wed?
Raven put it more eloquently than I ever could, saying, “I hadn’t seen many pictures of two brides both in dresses. But every time I do… well, I know it sounds cheesy, but my heart skips a beat. Maybe there’s something about the undeniable homosexuality of that image. There’s no chance of mistaking one of the brides for a man, even momentarily.”
And that my lovelies is why I LOVE that our two-bride wedding is a two-dress affair! Make no mistake our wedding is a seriously gay affair. A no-joke, bad-ass, two girls in white mini-dresses getting hitched and making out in public affair.
The whole notion that one half of a gay couple has to “be the man” or “be the woman,” is such a heteronormative stereotype, not to mention often untrue AND nothing says take a look, we’re both girls, and we’re getting married to EACH OTHER like two white dresses. So take a good look. And let me know what you think of the dresses! 
Are you waffling on your dress decision? Making any statements with your wedding attire?
