May 24, 2010 Posted on May 24, 2010 in marriage equality | 14 comments

Howdy Partner!

On Saturday we decided to get domestically partnered to celebrate Harvey Milk Day.  And, um, because we love each other and stuff. Luckily domestic partnership ain’t marriage so we were able to do this spontaneously on a Saturday in California.

I think the fact that we didn’t need to obtain a license, have witnesses, or have any type of ceremony strongly attests to the fact that even the state doesn’t really consider this domestic partnership business to be equal to marriage. I’m just saying…

So what exactly did we do to become domestically partnered in CA?

First we filled out this form:

Then we put on our spiffy domestic partnering duds:

Next we had our form notarized in this strip mall:

And finally we dropped it in the mail:

Last but not least, we had a celebratory drink somewhere really gay:

But what exactly are we celebrating?

*Our commitment to each other. Duh. Oh! And obtaining the only type of legal recognition and protection that our state currently offers us.

*The right to adopt a shared name. We hyphenated. We’re excited. This deserves its own post.

*The right to each others health care coverage. And my health care rocks!

*The right to both be considered parents to children born into our partnership.

And a bunch of other rights listed here. I’m just sharing the ones I’m currently most excited about!

And what exactly are we missing out on?

Um. Important social recognition. And all legal and economic protections once we leave California. Yup. Out the window. Only marriage offers federal benefits and protections. Around 1100 of them.

*And those children we have? Um. I will have to adopt them to ensure that I am recognized as a parent outside of California and in the hopes that if something happens to me my children will receive my social security benefits.

*Which brings us to the fact that my Domestic Partner will not receive my social security benefits should anything happen to me. Ever.

*And if you’ve been following along, well then you may have guessed that we won’t be able to jointly file our federal taxes. But we will be required to jointly file our state taxes. Not confusing at all.

So yeah we got domestically partnered because some recognition and protection is better than none at all.  And it is definitely exciting to have a little formal/legal recognition as a couple- I hear we even get a certificate! Woo hoo!  And we’re pretty excited about sharing a common name too. But we’re no fools and it’s pretty obvious that Domestic Partnerships are not equal to Marriage. Certainly not in any tangible economic terms and not in many intangible social terms either.

In answer to the question, “Why aren’t domestic partnerships or civil unions good enough?,” Freedom to Marry has this to say:

Couples who take on the responsibilities and commitments of marriage deserve the cultural respect, social support, and legal protections of marriage.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Last I checked, we aren’t starting a law firm or shooting a western, we’re doing the work, so let’s call it what it is: MARRIAGE.

Okay then. Hopefully that didn’t come off as a big fat Debbie Downer “I want rights too” post, but damn it Idowantrights! Equal rights. Nothing more and nothing less. And domestic partnership is definitely less.

But none the less exciting.

xoxo

Partner 1

a.k.a. Miss Stripes

Are you a domestic partner? Is it good enough? What if domestic partnership and marriage were truly identical in legal/economic terms? Which one would you choose and why?

Jan 19, 2010 Posted on Jan 19, 2010 in how it all began | 1 comment

REWIND/FAST FORWARD: Little Known Facts.

Well I made it through my first day as a bee and it was pretty awesome!  I think we were both secretly a little afraid of negative comments raining on our love-fest and the absolute opposite proved true- we were overwhelmed by awesome and encouraging comments all day!

Crisis averted.  Fear Subsides. The Hive is awesome.

By way of introductions, I wrote this little ‘ol post to share over there, and then realized it contained some info I’d never shared here on Ms. Awesome. So have at it.

I interrupt our usual blue skies, unicorns and the show tunes that define gay wedding planning, to give you a few more random facts than you ever needed.  Come on you know you wanna know this stuff!

Here goes.  Let’s play finish that sentence.

We met on Match.com  Ain’t no shame in that right?

Okay. Okay. I’ll admit we’ve been known to say we met through a friend of a friend or some such nonsense on more than one occasion, but it’s a big fat lie!  Fiancee stripes winked at me, I shot her an email, and the rest is just below for your reading pleasure.

Our first date was awesome!  We met for wine at Banquette, my local wine/coffee house, then we walked to the Downtown Independant and saw Persepolis, and then we knocked back some whiskey, made fun of people, and made out at Bar 107.  We finished the night with some tender (ha!) kisses in the rain. Cue music. Sigh.

Our Second date consisted of a trip to the Getty, a picnic lunch, and wine in a thermos.  Wine in a thermos?! Another sigh.  Clearly a girl after my own heart.  I don’t remember any of the art.

Fast Forward Six Months and in true lezzyBEE fashion she moved in!

Marriage and kids and all that jazz have always been a part of our dialogue and so the next bit might seem a bit surprising.  It’s actually one of my deep dark secrets here in wedding world.

See C proposed first and I freaked the f#$k out!  Seriously I’m lucky she stuck around seeing as I pretty much pulled a Carrie Bradshaw and wore the ring in an, ahem, untraditional style (read on my right hand).

It was just too much, too fast and even though I wanted to marry her (desperately) I couldn’t bear to slide that ring on my left finger and be an “engaged” lady just yet.  This is a pretty clear example of the planning/spontaneity dynamic we have going on.  Luckily she stuck around, I worked through my issues, and our dog Oscar took care of the ring.  He ate it.  And that was that.

Fast Forward Two Years and here we are, chronicling our adventures for you as we plan our awesome wedding!  A lot has happened, that’s for sure!  We’ve traveled many miles (Paris, New York, The Bahamas, Miami, and Vancouver), made a home together, added to our furry family (now 2 dogs, 1 cat), laughed, cried, and danced.

To sum it up (or break it down)

We’re just two girls who love books, food, dance parties and each other.

*We also love whiskey in combo with any of the above!

So grab a glass, sit back, and join us as we return to our regularly scheduled programming (blue skies, unicorns, show tunes) and continue exploring the question How the hell did we get here?

I know it’s a little bit of an odd “getting to know you” to post as my very first one over on the hive, but I think that it’s important to keep our heads on straight (hee hee) in this whole wedding planning business and realize that our lives and relationship trajectories don’t have to be perfect to make for great relationships, wedding planning, and yes, even marriage.

What about you?  How’d you get to the place you are now in your relationship?  Any premature proposals or bumps along the way?

Nov 1, 2009 Posted on Nov 1, 2009 in real life | 0 comments

Our Bad-Ass Budget Halloween

**Not exactly wedding related, but still awesome.

Halloween is my most FAVORITE holiday!  And most years a few friends and I spend a lot of time planning, sourcing, sewing, and creating our awesome costumes.

It’s a lot of fun. And a lot of work.  And sometimes a lot of money.

So I’m not sure what happened this year.  Maybe it’s the summer weather we’re still having.  Or recent travel. Or our WEEK on the couch with the flu. Or general apathy.

The group costume thing just wasn’t coming together, and so we started thinking about the dreaded (beauty and the beast anyone?) couple costume. And we had a BRILLIANT idea. Then we did a whole lot of nothing (see apathy) and suddenly it was halloween day! UH OH.

Luckily C decided we should motivate early(ish) in the day.  We downed our coffee and hit the streets.

First stop?  wedding mecca. AKA St. Vincent de Paul.

source

If you’ve never been, don’t bother! It sucks and they don’t have anything like vintage milk glass, china, or EVERYthing else you need when planning an awesome budget- friendly wedding. Now I’m obviously kidding, but seriously- pretty please don’t buy the milk glass! You’ll see why in a future post…

As usual, St. Vinnys was a huge success and dirt cheap!  We spent less than ten dollars and left with most of our costumes! After a few more stops we headed home, and I had some fun with this:

source

Are you ready for the awesome?

Our costumes were a success and we had a super time at Kerri’s party (thanks!) followed by drinking, dancing and general merriment at a few downtown spots.

Apparently we had TOO much fun b/c today we are a hot mess.  And so I leave you with this adorable pic of our dogs- representative of us and our desire to stay in our PJ’s and chill on the couch with a giant pizza and some bad TV.

more wedding related blabber tomorrow.

Oct 31, 2009 Posted on Oct 31, 2009 in how it all began | 1 comment

Proposal Stories Part III: She Says Yes!!!

I’ve got chili on the stove, a cold stella in my hand, and just enough time before dinner to tell you all about the best part of the proposal story- the part where she said yes!!!

First a little back story- you remember there was the search, there was the perfect ring, and now the proposal.

And in between there were secret emails, best friend approvals, and a very complicated financial transaction.  See I was in a tiny, tiny, tiny ski town in Canada working after ski season.  We could barely find an open grocery store or restaurant, let alone a bank that could do a wire transfer.  Finally I worked it all out and the ring was mailed to Lil’ Stripe.  She didn’t break it to me until a few days before I came home though that she thought maybe a tiny, tiny diamond was missing! AUGH!

It was.  And so the ring went back to Fay Cullen, and was promptly returned, all diamonds intact, to wait in my jewelry box until the perfect morning.

June 23 was that morning.  I woke up super early and very nervous!  I had plans to take our little bistro table/chairs out onto our roof where I would have breakfast and coffee ready, and the champagne (for mimosas of course) chillin’ in the fridge.

I’d bought us these special coffee cups.

I set a really cute table and perched the little box on the side of the saucer.

I couldn’t find my camera (too nervous) so I had to take pics with my phone…

Finally I knocked on our bedroom window (which goes out onto the roof).

Soon-to-be-Fiancee-Stripes came out, excited to be released from her prison.  Oops! She’d woken up at some point and I’d insisted she stay in our bedroom so she didn’t ruin my breakfast surprise. Luckily she wasn’t too grumpy at having been locked in our room all morning!

I nervously sat down across from her and waited (it seemed like forever) for her to notice the little box.  She finally looked down- and then back at me and I probably smiled like an asshole.

Then I got down on one knee, and spit out a pathetic “Baby will you marry me?”  Seriously, all the super romantic, meaningful things I’d been planning to say just disappeared!  There were some kisses in there somewhere, and a yes (thank god!) and then I went back to my seat while she admired her bling.  I was shaking so badly I couldn’t even enjoy my coffee for a while- and man do I love my coffee! LOL.

Huge sigh of relief.  That was scary and awesome and amazing all at once!

We laughed and talked and admired her ring and drank champagne in the sunshine.  Our cat Piper even got in on the action.

Then we started calling/texting all our friends and eventually we walked down to Banquette to meet them and drink wine.  Yum!  As you all know I’m all about afternoon drinks!  And being engaged!  We headed to another downtown establishment for a few more drinks and various friends met up with us throughout the day as we celebrated our engagement late into the night.

What about you?  Any other at home proposals or were you all on the side of a mountain in a foreign country frolicking with unicorns when your SO proposed?  Any ladies out there that did the proposing themselves?

Oct 27, 2009 Posted on Oct 27, 2009 in how it all began | 2 comments

Let the wild rumpus start!

Hello lovely readers! And crazed brides.

I mean that’s who reads these things right?

Welcome to my very first wedding blog post!

After months of avid wedding blog stalking, I feel like giving something back, indulging my narcissism, and throwing a little gay love into the universe (and blogosphere).

So first off a little bit about us:

We are Tabitha & Cynthia and we are awesome. We are a Costume Designer & Chef, parents to a small furry family, and all-around lovers of food, drink, books, travel, and each other.

Awwww. Sweet huh?

We got engaged on June 23 on our rooftop in downtown Los Angeles and are planning our mind-blowingly awesome modern/vintage wedding for September 2010!

Hopefully our wedding planning adventure will prove inspiring for other brides, planners, and the wedding obsessed.  And hopefully it will provide a little place on the web for other lesbian brides to see weddings like their own!

So stick around.  We’ll be doing lots of DIY, forging some new traditions (not so many guidelines out there for a two-bride wedding) figuring out how to save a buck (or two) and eventually walking down the aisle to say “I do!”

…and b/c blogs w/out pictures are BORING- here ya go!