Last weekend was our bridal shower, and it rained big buckets of lurrrve here in Los Angeles! It was torrential actually.
And totally amazing.
Remember when I wrote about my dress and how I’ve been overcome with gratitude while planning this wedding shindig of ours and blah blah blah? Well folks, during our shower the gratitude reached critical mass, and now my heart has swelled so big it just might burst right out of my chest! I’m not sure how I’m gonna make it through the next three (three!) weeks, and I certainly hope it doesn’t affect the fit of my dress. I’m just saying…
You need a few examples? No worries. I got examples.
My mom sat in the airport for almost 12 hours just to get a flight to Los Angeles. My mom was here you guys! I don’t even have words for this, but it made me SO happy. And I think she had fun too:
Bridesmaid J (and her bun) drove all the way down from San Francisco and turned our house into a delicious french wonderland.
Lil’ Stripe left her new puppy at home (I finally met the pup, and trust me, this must have been super hard) to organize and wrangle our friends into a fantastic party.
And our RAD friends and family showed up to celebrate our awesome (and imminent) wedding. The love, support, excitement and champagne pouring from our friends and family was truly amazing and something I wasn’t all together prepared for. And the smiles. There were lots of smiles:
And presents! We got to open presents! (Which to be honest is a little awkward when everyone is watching, but whatever, we got presents!)
And the pups got to have a little fun too:
And the flowers were gorgeous:
And the favors were yummy:
And we received my most favorite non-registry gift ever:
It’s a vintage statue/vase of two little girls. Gal pals, if you will. On one side is carved “I heart D” and on the other side “S heart’s D.” Pretty awesome right? A little lesbeean history in our living room, perhaps? I sure like to think so! And this little gem will definitely be making an appearance at the wedding- so big thanks D!!!
And then it was over. So. Damn. Quick.
We spent the two days afterwards talking about how much fun it was and what this person said, or how happy we were that person came, and then it hit us: The wedding is going to be just as amazing, just as fantastic and overflowing with love, and over just as quick. Gulp.
And so as we enter these last few weeks leading up to our wedding it’s sure to be crazy, but we’re gonna do our best to actually be present and squeeze every last bit of joy out of every single moment.
What about you guys? Were you crazy surprised at how fast it all was over? Any tips for staying present and enjoying the moments as they fly by?
So by now you may have heard that on August 4th Federal Court Judge Vaughn Walker found the passage of Prop 8 here in California unconstitutional.
And on thursday he denied a stay of his order while the case goes to the Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit. So all legal jargon aside, gay marriages will resume again in California on August 18th at 5pm, so long as the Ninth Circuit doesn’t issue its own “emergency” stay.
Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe you’ve been expecting a celebratory post from me, and if not, well I definitely felt like I should be writing one.
But here’s the thing: I just don’t have the words yet. This is too big and too close to my heart and too close to our wedding and just too tenuous to celebrate quite yet.
Sure it’s a big step. Sure I believe that equality will prevail through the Ninth Circuit and the Supreme Court and even the public opinion, eventually.
But for us right now, and I’m sure for thousands of other gay couples in California, this is just too personal. We are living and breathing and working and loving in a state of waiting, of limbo, of uncertainty commingling with a shiver of hope.
And isn’t marriage about a little permanence? A little stability? Hoping against hope for the future? Hoping with someone else.
So here’s to hoping in California. We’re keeping our fingers, toes, eyes, arms & legs crossed. And if given the opportunity, we’ll be buzzing down to city hall to do it up legal style very soon.
And in the meantime, I can resume talking about dresses, flowers, invitations and all the other beautiful and very welcome distractions that I’d give up in a heartbeat to go down to the courthouse and marry C right now.
Lucky for you guys- we’ve got four more days to go! So let the distractions begin:
Oh sorry- those are just some cute succulents in love. Stick around though- I promise I have a few good posts in me this week. And maybe some invite madness- b/c did I mention those beauties are in the mail?!
*And we’d appreciate it ever so much if you’d send your good thoughts/energy/prayers for equal rights our direction in California this week!
One year ago today we got engaged on our rooftop in downtown Los Angeles, and spent the day celebrating with champagne, sunshine, and friends.
Today I’m sitting at the DMV waiting to change my name, and thinking about our wedding day, which once seemed FOREVERandadayaway, but is really happening in just a few short months now. Yowza! Yippee! Yikes! Mostly yippee though!
It’s been a crazy year of living, thinking, and planning. A year of thoughtful transition and (sometimes) difficult conversation as we plan this wedding, and more importantly, as we plan our life together. A good, joyful, hard year.
We’ve lived and planned a wedding on one income, raised a special needs puppy, moved to a house with a (potential) veggie garden, started new jobs, quit said jobs when they failed to EVER pay for four months of work, nearly foiling our wedding plans (LA residents beware: Mendocino Farms doesn’t pay their employees) and somehow managed not to kill each other. Although we’ve come close a few times.
And that’s okay too.
Because I’ve learned that arguments aren’t about winning. Sometimes they are about our egos, our insecurities, or just our bad day. You can let them go, or even be the one to apologize without being the loser.
And I’ve learned to say yes. Yes to this relationship. Yes to things that are important to C, even when they aren’t initially important to me. Yes to making those things important to me too. And I want to move into our married life together saying yes to each other and making the things that matter to each of us a priority for us both. yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!
And I’ve realized that most of my favorite moments with C aren’t big or complicated. I truly hope that our wedding, our marriage, and our life together reflect that perfect simplicity.
Here’s a look at our last year as single(ish) ladies:
So I’ve talked about how we’re both wearing dresses for our ceremony and I think I mentioned that C is changing into a suit for our reception, but did I mention that it’s the cutest suit ever??
No Seriously. The Cutest Suit Ever! For the cutest hottest fiancee!
See for yourself:
Wedding wardrobe decisions have sparked some interesting and unexpected conversations about gender identity, self perception, and beauty, both in our house and in my little wedding blogosphere.
I think it’s safe to say that we all want to find wedding attire that represents our very best authentic self. We want to look, and more importantly, feel beautiful on our wedding day. But I think that for a lot of queer women wedding attire can be a very complicated issue. Cue eye-rolls and a chorus of “duh ms. awesome.” You want to look and feel your absolute best, but your absolute best might not be a big ol’ cupcake wedding dress. Or even a simple modern wedding dress. It might be an awesome suit. Or a vest and tie. Or something else.
So in a wedding world where beauty most often equals a big white dress, some queer women must reconcile themselves with the fact that their more masculine gender expression and consequent choice of wedding attire may not be perceived as beautiful or bride like. And that’s bullshit. So to all you suit-lovin’ ladies (C too!) I just want to say thank you for helping us redefine and expand our notion of beauty. I LOVE the diverse gender/style expression of our community and would NEVER presume that a butch woman is any less a woman or trying to be a man- so I’m sorry (and a little horrified) if my two-dress lovefest came off that way to some of you. I DO think the most empowering thing you can do on your wedding day is to celebrate exactly who you are- whatever combo of dress/dress, dress/suit, suit/suit that happens to be!
And so despite my ardent love for our two-dress wedding, I think it’s icky that notions of beauty and gender identity are so totally tied up in wearing a dress. A woman in a suit is still a woman. And a woman in a suit is beautiful. And hot! (see above photos)
Oh! And i finally tried on a few big ol’ weddingy-wedding gowns and I felt absolutely stinkin’ ridiculous. And I do wear dresses sometimes. So I’m sticking with my short dress. And C is changing into her awesome suit. And that’s that.
Where do you fall on the wedding day gender expression spectrum? Did you have trouble finding wedding attire that “felt like you?” Or are you changing into something that feels more authentic for your reception?
