Jun 23, 2010
Posted on Jun 23, 2010 in awesomeness | 9 comments
One year ago today we got engaged on our rooftop in downtown Los Angeles, and spent the day celebrating with champagne, sunshine, and friends.
Today I’m sitting at the DMV waiting to change my name, and thinking about our wedding day, which once seemed FOREVERandadayaway, but is really happening in just a few short months now. Yowza! Yippee! Yikes! Mostly yippee though!
It’s been a crazy year of living, thinking, and planning. A year of thoughtful transition and (sometimes) difficult conversation as we plan this wedding, and more importantly, as we plan our life together. A good, joyful, hard year.
We’ve lived and planned a wedding on one income, raised a special needs puppy, moved to a house with a (potential) veggie garden, started new jobs, quit said jobs when they failed to EVER pay for four months of work, nearly foiling our wedding plans (LA residents beware: Mendocino Farms doesn’t pay their employees) and somehow managed not to kill each other. Although we’ve come close a few times.
And that’s okay too.
Because I’ve learned that arguments aren’t about winning. Sometimes they are about our egos, our insecurities, or just our bad day. You can let them go, or even be the one to apologize without being the loser.
And I’ve learned to say yes. Yes to this relationship. Yes to things that are important to C, even when they aren’t initially important to me. Yes to making those things important to me too. And I want to move into our married life together saying yes to each other and making the things that matter to each of us a priority for us both. yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!
And I’ve realized that most of my favorite moments with C aren’t big or complicated. I truly hope that our wedding, our marriage, and our life together reflect that perfect simplicity.
Here’s a look at our last year as single(ish) ladies:
Engagement Day ‘09:
PRIDE ‘09:
AT HOME w/CAT TAIL:
HAPPY:
AND ALL GLAMMED UP (FOR OUR RIGHTS!):
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And here’s to looking far far into the future. Like FOREVERandaday far.
I love you baby. I think you’re awesome. And I’m over being engaged. Let’s get married already, mkay?
Any other loooooong engagements out there? Are you savoring the moments or are you ready to move on to married life already too?
May 24, 2010
Posted on May 24, 2010 in marriage equality | 14 comments
On Saturday we decided to get domestically partnered to celebrate Harvey Milk Day. And, um, because we love each other and stuff. Luckily domestic partnership ain’t marriage so we were able to do this spontaneously on a Saturday in California.
I think the fact that we didn’t need to obtain a license, have witnesses, or have any type of ceremony strongly attests to the fact that even the state doesn’t really consider this domestic partnership business to be equal to marriage. I’m just saying…
So what exactly did we do to become domestically partnered in CA?
First we filled out this form:
Then we put on our spiffy domestic partnering duds:
Next we had our form notarized in this strip mall:
And finally we dropped it in the mail:
Last but not least, we had a celebratory drink somewhere really gay:
But what exactly are we celebrating?
*Our commitment to each other. Duh. Oh! And obtaining the only type of legal recognition and protection that our state currently offers us.
*The right to adopt a shared name. We hyphenated. We’re excited. This deserves its own post.
*The right to each others health care coverage. And my health care rocks!
*The right to both be considered parents to children born into our partnership.
And a bunch of other rights listed here. I’m just sharing the ones I’m currently most excited about!
And what exactly are we missing out on?
Um. Important social recognition. And all legal and economic protections once we leave California. Yup. Out the window. Only marriage offers federal benefits and protections. Around 1100 of them.
*So that health care coverage? While it counts as a non-taxable benefit for a married couple, it counts as taxable income for domestic partners. Yes you read correctly. I will be taxed on the total employer cost of insurance for my domestic partner.
*And those children we have? Um. I will have to adopt them to ensure that I am recognized as a parent outside of California and in the hopes that if something happens to me my children will receive my social security benefits.
*Which brings us to the fact that my Domestic Partner will not receive my social security benefits should anything happen to me. Ever.
*And if you’ve been following along, well then you may have guessed that we won’t be able to jointly file our federal taxes. But we will be required to jointly file our state taxes. Not confusing at all.
So yeah we got domestically partnered because some recognition and protection is better than none at all. And it is definitely exciting to have a little formal/legal recognition as a couple- I hear we even get a certificate! Woo hoo! And we’re pretty excited about sharing a common name too. But we’re no fools and it’s pretty obvious that Domestic Partnerships are not equal to Marriage. Certainly not in any tangible economic terms and not in many intangible social terms either.
In answer to the question, “Why aren’t domestic partnerships or civil unions good enough?,” Freedom to Marry has this to say:
Couples who take on the responsibilities and commitments of marriage deserve the cultural respect, social support, and legal protections of marriage.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Last I checked, we aren’t starting a law firm or shooting a western, we’re doing the work, so let’s call it what it is: MARRIAGE.
Okay then. Hopefully that didn’t come off as a big fat Debbie Downer “I want rights too” post, but damn it Idowantrights! Equal rights. Nothing more and nothing less. And domestic partnership is definitely less.
But none the less exciting.
xoxo
Partner 1
a.k.a. Miss Stripes
Are you a domestic partner? Is it good enough? What if domestic partnership and marriage were truly identical in legal/economic terms? Which one would you choose and why?
Mar 3, 2010
Posted on Mar 3, 2010 in DIY, Inspiration | 2 comments
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It’s moving week here in Awesome world. Sigh. As I sit on my couch writing this post I’m surrounded by half-finished STD’s and an ever increasing sea of boxes that make my heart race. And not in a good way. And then there’s the wedding crap.
Have you ever looked around at the fast accumulating wedding crap that’s taking over your house/apartment/life and wondered what the hell am I gonna do with this stuff after the wedding?
In attempting to have a green (ish) wedding I like to think about where this stuff is going after our wedding and not just rejoice in my initial discovery.
This goes for all our wedding inspired handicrafts as well. Like the cranes. Yup, like a bunch of blog-land brides we’re making a 1001 cranes. What’s that? You don’t remember me talking about them? Right. That might have something to do with the fact that so far we’ve done zip. zilch. zero. There’s a practice crane or two floating around the apartment, but definitely not a wedding worthy crane in sight. But don’t worry- we’re not. We’ve still got six months and a whole bunch of willing friends, so we’re thinking of hosting a few crafting/crane making parties where your admission is a set number of cranes. It’s really just an excuse to drink with our friends, but it’ll get the job done.
Anyhow the important question is what in the hell are we going to do with 1001 effing paper cranes? I have no doubt whatsoever that they’ll be gorgeous but I already want ‘em out of our house (and we haven’t even made ‘em yet) And of course I’d love it if they weren’t a total waste of paper/trees but it might break my heart to shove them all in the recycling bin…
Then I came across The Crane Chandelier Project and now I know what we’ll be doing with our cranes. All 999 of them. We’ve gotta keep a few right? The Wedding Co. is creating a giant 10,000 crane chandelier from recently engaged/married couples cranes and is donating 50 cents per crane to cancer research.
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Do the math. That’s 499.50 to cancer research. And 999 beautiful cranes included in what’s sure to be a gorgeous piece of art. This makes me so happy.
And today being happy makes our big move bearable. Any creative or charitable recycling happening after your wedding?
Feb 2, 2010
Posted on Feb 2, 2010 in traditions | 8 comments
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Because I’m a giant dork and because I LOVE the dictionary, I give you M Webs definition of tradition in it’s entirety:
Main Entry: tra·di·tion
Pronunciation: \trə-ˈdi-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English tradicioun, from Middle French & Latin; Middle French tradicion, from Latin tradition-, traditio action of handing over, tradition — more at treason
Date: 14th century
1 a : an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom) b : a belief or story or a body of beliefs or stories relating to the past that are commonly accepted as historical though not verifiable
2 : the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction
3 : cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions
4 : characteristic manner, method, or style <in the best liberal tradition>
— tra·di·tion·al \-ˈdish-nəl, -ˈdi-shə-nəl\ adjective
— tra·di·tion·al·ly adverb
— tra·di·tion·less \-ˈdi-shən-ləs\ adjective
Got that? Traditions are weighty things people. The definition above can pretty much be cited as the reason people get married, the reason we wanna get married, and the reason peeps DON’T want us to get married. Complicated no?
It also reaffirms for me how important it is for us to get married, legal or not. It’s time to introduce a new norm and reclaim “traditional marriage.” It makes me sick that it’s been hijacked and degraded by this whole “marriage is between a man and a woman” bullshit. Traditional marriage in that sense of the word? No thanks. Now if you’re talking about love, honor, & commitment- I’m totally onboard.
So it seems only appropriate that I give you our, ahem, tried and true traditions first. Here goes.
OLD SCHOOL TRADITIONS:
I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I love this tradition despite its archaic passing off your daughter like chattel origins. I love my dad tons and the last few years have been really rough on him. He’s basically been forced into an early retirement due to a lot of scary health problems that they’re still trying to get to the bottom of. I think that sometimes it takes something like this for us to grasp our parent’s mortality and I have to admit it scares the hell out of me! I’m hoping my dad can get healthy (er) this year and that our wedding is a little something for him to look forward too. He’s been a wonderful father and I want him to have the HONOR of walking me down the aisle because I think it will make him happy. And depending how things shape up with C’s family, he may have to walk us both down the aisle. Double Happiness. 
I want to wear a white dress. I know girls dream of the fluffy white princess dress, but not this girl. At some point in my angsty teen phase I told my mom that IF I ever even got married I’d have a ruby engagement ring and a red dress. Even when we started planning our wedding I still thought I might have a colored dress, although I long abandoned the ruby/red dress idea. Anyway in my progression to full blown princess dress I’m still on the short white dress end of the spectrum but with a healthy leaning towards it could be longer if it was vintage couture.
We wanna cut the cake. And the rug. But that’s later. Anyway this one is super important to C b/c “it’s just what you do at every wedding.” And even though she’s promised not to smash cake in my face I still find this one a little suspect. I do agree that it happens at every wedding though- and I’m happy to give our guests a little of that continuity we were talking about in the above definitions. None of that “We went to a GAY wedding and (lowers voice) they didn’t even CUT the cake.” Nope. Not at our shindig. We deliver.
Okay on to cutting the rug, aka The First Dance. Yes, we (C) want everyone to stare at us as we awkwardly sway to a song of her choice. Yup- music is not my domain peeps. This one makes me the most uncomfortable- I don’t like people staring at me if I can’t blabber. I’m much better at blabber than I am at awkward swaying. That being said, there is a redemptive factor to this one and that’s busting out with an amazing choreographed number mid-sway. That I could get behind. So if you’re one of our darling wedding guests, forget you read this and damn it, act surprised should it happen!
In a perfect world of butterflies, unicorns and rainbows we would want a father/daughter dance. We don’t live in a perfect world though and as C’s family isn’t supportive of our relationship/wedding we’re not really sure that they’ll be available for dancing. Or at our wedding at all for that matter. Here’s where are all those above definitions of tradition painfully collide and the only one who gets hurt is my beautiful fiancee. And it sucks. I’m not sure what to do about it or how exactly to deal with this beyond obviously NOT having a father/daughter dance…
Not to end on a sad note, but maybe some of you have advice about how to deal with unsupportive family members?
Up next: NEW SCHOOL TRADITIONS.
Jan 19, 2010
Posted on Jan 19, 2010 in how it all began | 1 comment
uber nerd on the right! LOL.
Well I made it through my first day as a bee and it was pretty awesome! I think we were both secretly a little afraid of negative comments raining on our love-fest and the absolute opposite proved true- we were overwhelmed by awesome and encouraging comments all day!
Crisis averted. Fear Subsides. The Hive is awesome.
By way of introductions, I wrote this little ‘ol post to share over there, and then realized it contained some info I’d never shared here on Ms. Awesome. So have at it.
I interrupt our usual blue skies, unicorns and the show tunes that define gay wedding planning, to give you a few more random facts than you ever needed. Come on you know you wanna know this stuff!
Here goes. Let’s play finish that sentence.
We met on Match.com Ain’t no shame in that right?
Okay. Okay. I’ll admit we’ve been known to say we met through a friend of a friend or some such nonsense on more than one occasion, but it’s a big fat lie! Fiancee stripes winked at me, I shot her an email, and the rest is just below for your reading pleasure.
Our first date was awesome! We met for wine at Banquette, my local wine/coffee house, then we walked to the Downtown Independant and saw Persepolis, and then we knocked back some whiskey, made fun of people, and made out at Bar 107. We finished the night with some tender (ha!) kisses in the rain. Cue music. Sigh.
Our Second date consisted of a trip to the Getty, a picnic lunch, and wine in a thermos. Wine in a thermos?! Another sigh. Clearly a girl after my own heart. I don’t remember any of the art.
Fast Forward Six Months and in true lezzyBEE fashion she moved in!
Marriage and kids and all that jazz have always been a part of our dialogue and so the next bit might seem a bit surprising. It’s actually one of my deep dark secrets here in wedding world.
See C proposed first and I freaked the f#$k out! Seriously I’m lucky she stuck around seeing as I pretty much pulled a Carrie Bradshaw and wore the ring in an, ahem, untraditional style (read on my right hand).
It was just too much, too fast and even though I wanted to marry her (desperately) I couldn’t bear to slide that ring on my left finger and be an “engaged” lady just yet. This is a pretty clear example of the planning/spontaneity dynamic we have going on. Luckily she stuck around, I worked through my issues, and our dog Oscar took care of the ring. He ate it. And that was that.
Fast Forward Two Years and here we are, chronicling our adventures for you as we plan our awesome wedding! A lot has happened, that’s for sure! We’ve traveled many miles (Paris, New York, The Bahamas, Miami, and Vancouver), made a home together, added to our furry family (now 2 dogs, 1 cat), laughed, cried, and danced.
To sum it up (or break it down)
We’re just two girls who love books, food, dance parties and each other.
*We also love whiskey in combo with any of the above!
So grab a glass, sit back, and join us as we return to our regularly scheduled programming (blue skies, unicorns, show tunes) and continue exploring the question How the hell did we get here?
I know it’s a little bit of an odd “getting to know you” to post as my very first one over on the hive, but I think that it’s important to keep our heads on straight (hee hee) in this whole wedding planning business and realize that our lives and relationship trajectories don’t have to be perfect to make for great relationships, wedding planning, and yes, even marriage.
What about you? How’d you get to the place you are now in your relationship? Any premature proposals or bumps along the way?
