Aug 20, 2010
Posted on Aug 20, 2010 in fashion, the dress | 4 comments
So I never really had the thisismydress moment. And I didn’t shed any tears. But I do feel really content, happy, and even a little giddy about my wedding dress.
I LOVE the dress aesthetically, ethically, and emotionally.
Are you dying to know which dress I chose?
I chose romance
I chose ruffles
I chose the dress that makes me feel pretty
I chose independent design
I chose reuse
I chose to borrow my dress from the incredible and amazingly generous Mrs. Mouse.
And I could not be more grateful. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you x a bajillion Mouse!
Seriously. The lady is letting me borrow her beautiful wedding dress people! That’s huge! My budget and my heart are bursting with happiness. And gratitude of a magnitude (ha!) that I find difficult to express. I LOVE that my dress was worn by another beautiful bride and that it has a history, a story, a beautiful happy past.
It’s funny, but as this little wedding journey of ours draws to a close, gratitude is the emotion I am most often overcome with.
I am so grateful to have found someone to adventure through life with. And grateful to all our friends, family, coworkers, and even random strangers (or lovely blog friends) for their support, encouragement and excitement about this grandiose adventure. It means the world the to me.
But I’m sure by now your eyes have gone crossed and all you’re reading is blah, blah, blah. So without further ado I give you my dress, and a sneak peak at my bouquet too! Feast your eyes lovelies, because this is the last you’ll read/see of my dress before the big day.
What emotion are you most often overcome with while wedding planning? And would you ever lend/borrow your wedding dress?
Aug 3, 2010
Posted on Aug 3, 2010 in fashion | 27 comments
I think I’ve mentioned my dress doubts once or twice around here. Sigh. But don’t worry, I’m *really* done whining and ready to get down to business. And what better way to make a decision than to check out all your options? That’s right folks, I said options- plural. And that’s where the gulp comes in.
When you shop for a living and you don’t want to wear a traditionalweddingdress, by which I just mean one that comes from a Bridal Shop, you have A. LOT. OF. OPTIONS. Through the spring and summer months, short white(ish) dresses jump out at you at every turn, begging to be taken home and put through their couldthisbemyweddingdress paces.
And what else can an indecisive bride do but oblige them?
Seriously, I’ve taken home nearly every white, cream or gold, short/cocktail length dress in Los Angeles, submitted it to a series of fitting photos and promptly returned it to the store. Big Sigh.
And that’s how I’ve ended up with the final three. Yes. You read correctly. Three. Many dresses entered, but only these three made it to the final round. And so with the help of Bridesmaid J (also a stylist extraordinaire) we did a little accessorizing and staged an impromtu photo shoot to determine the winner. I’m about 99% sure of my decision, but I would LOVE to hear your opinion!
So which one do you like best?
The Modern Romantic:
The French Poet (styled two ways):
The Architectural Cutie:
So again, which dress should I wear? AND are there any other super indecisive Three Dress Brides out there?
May 13, 2010
Posted on May 13, 2010 in thoughts on marriage | 6 comments
In response to my post yesterday, the very thoughtful & thought provoking Mrs. Basement pointed out that there is an icky & disturbing pattern in the gay-blogging world where the constant reiteration and celebration of two-dress brides casts dress/suit, suit/suit and well every other bride combo in a negative light.
So are we unintentionally promoting an anti butch/femme vibe by both wearing dresses? Or by being excited/emphatic about it?
I wish I could claim originality on this one, but I’m just writing from our particular position and point of view. I too agree that the wide spectrum of gender identity/expression and style throughout the gay community is one to be celebrated. But the fact remains that we ARE wearing two dresses.
And you can bet that if wearing two dresses didn’t feel authentic/genuine to us this certainly would be a different post. A post about how RAD our fillingenderstyleawesomeappropriateensemblehere.
I think for me what feels icky about asserting a super feminine gender identity and wearing a dress or rather the conflation of the two (because for the record neither of us is exactly high-femme) is the idea that as a lesbian bride you HAVE to wear a dress to make sure people know we’re still a woman. That’s the underlying icky part.
It’s like dresses are pretty and feminine and good. And suits are masculine and weird and wait, “Do you wanna be a man?” Ick.
Both the insistence that there is a distinct butch/femme dichotomy in EVERY lesbian relationship AND the dismissal/negative stereotyping of butch women by the straight (and let’s be honest gay) community sucks.
I think that the tendency of two (more feminine perhaps) women to insist on wearing dresses and emphatically blog about it might stem from the fact that literally the first question most people ask me RE: The Wedding is “Which one of you is wearing a suit?” Over and over and over. It’s like the whole (straight) world only has Ellen’s recent wedding as a reference, and damn it, Ellen wore a suit!
And yet the fact remains that we are both still wearing dresses.
So I wonder how to make sure to celebrate the awesome gender identity/expression of our community and not fall pray to the negative stereotyping that I hate so much, when our choices kind of reinforce certain stereotypes. And bust up others.
It just depends where you’re standing right? And it’s complicated.
Oh! And for the record C is wearing a suit post ceremony. And she’s gonna look hot!!
May 12, 2010
Posted on May 12, 2010 in fashion, marriage equality | 2 comments
Once a long time ago I think I mentioned that we’re both wearing dresses for our ceremony. F Stripes however is convinced that you all think she’s wearing a suit so she wanted me to set the record straight (hee hee) and treat you to a sneak peak of our two-dress affair. I am still waffling on my dress but I do LOVE how we look together! Just try to ignore our pointy feet mkay?!
And here’s a few more of the beautiful F Stripes:
And a couple more of my dress too:
Yes, I’ve mentioned this before. But it really is that that good!
A great post by Raven over on So You’re Engayged really made me stop and think about the social/cultural/whatever-the-eff ramifications of both wearing dresses to our wedding. And I LOVE IT. I love that we’re both wearing dresses and here’s why- it’s secretly subversive. How’s that you say? Even more subversive than two-girls getting hitched in a state that voted against our right to wed?
Raven put it more eloquently than I ever could, saying, “I hadn’t seen many pictures of two brides both in dresses. But every time I do… well, I know it sounds cheesy, but my heart skips a beat. Maybe there’s something about the undeniable homosexuality of that image. There’s no chance of mistaking one of the brides for a man, even momentarily.”
And that my lovelies is why I LOVE that our two-bride wedding is a two-dress affair! Make no mistake our wedding is a seriously gay affair. A no-joke, bad-ass, two girls in white mini-dresses getting hitched and making out in public affair.
The whole notion that one half of a gay couple has to “be the man” or “be the woman,” is such a heteronormative stereotype, not to mention often untrue AND nothing says take a look, we’re both girls, and we’re getting married to EACH OTHER like two white dresses. So take a good look. And let me know what you think of the dresses! 
Are you waffling on your dress decision? Making any statements with your wedding attire?
May 9, 2010
Posted on May 9, 2010 in frustrations | 2 comments
Screw the details! Maybe we can just have a giant balloon heart?
Thank you again for your lovely response to my ring dilemma discussed here, and here. I seem to be suffering from an inability to actualize a lot of my projects lately and actually making a decision feels really good.
I think I’ve come to realize that the wedding is now, gulp, four months away and all these things that have been hypothetical, ideological, aspirational or otherwise written and debated and discussed need to start happening. I need to make decisions for realz now. Double big gulp. It’s go time.
I’m trying to focus on the details that really DO matter to us and forget (or find cheap/quick/pretty) alternatives for all the rest. I actually went to Ikea a few weeks ago and spent $20 on ALL the frames for our table numbers. Score. Done.
Here’s a sneak peek at a (very) annotated version of THE LIST that remains:
1. My dress. Not in love and since it was so cheap I’ve always told myself it was no big deal to find another one. Ha. Ha. This one deserves it’s own post.
2. Bridesmaids Dresses/Attire. It’s time to actually take our bridesmaids shopping and find some fabulous (and affordable) vintage goodness.
3. Our cranes need to be completed and strung.
4. Build my bouquet.
5. Make our ceremony broom.
6. Order our rings.
7. INVITES. Need I say more?
And the list goes on…
I’m not overwhelmed by the particular tasks themselves (in fact I’m super excited about most of them) and yet I’m strangely sad about all the details that we won’t have based on what we decide to go with. It’s super silly, I know. sigh. Sometimes I think all this thinking/blogging about our wedding makes it even more difficult to actually make a damn decision because we tend to over-analyze every little thing. We have way too many options and that makes it easy to overlook the simple, “perfect for us” but maybe not the prettiest details. Ya know?
I guess you could also say that I have a fear of detail commitment. Big time. I have too many ideas and we don’t have the time/money/tenacity for all of them. The choices we make now and move forward with will shape the look and feel of our wedding, and that makes them seem kinda important, ya know? And that has me waffling over seemingly simple decisions. And that in turn makes me feel foolish. I’m a busy lady and I don’t have time to fuss over trivial details. Oh wedding planning you really are a beast!
But now that we’ve made the paramount wedding band decision maybe it won’t be so hard to make (gulp) another important decision. I can (sort of) already feel my rusty wedding decision making gears cranking into action, although I’ll admit it could just be my stomach growling, and so it will all fall into place effortlessly* and I’ll look back on this waffling/stressing/indecisiveness and just laugh.
*Or not. Because I think effortless is the biggest lie ever told to us brides/awesome people planning weddings. There’s usually a ton of thought, work, and love behind making something look effortless.
So here’s to putting in the work when it’s worth it and taking that damn trip to Ikea when it’s not!
Anyone else annoyed by their own indecision? Taking a trip to Ikea this weekend? Waffling on trivial paramount wedding decisions? Any secrets for snapping out of it and just making a damn decision already?!
